Question by doIneedhelp: Can anyone with info about eating disorders help me please?
Starting at the beginning of July I got really depressed about my weight (which was 285 lbs) after one of my clinical instructors kept making comments about how pretty one of the nurses was. It made me sad to think that I was never one of the ?cute ones? because I had let my weight balloon out of control at an early age. I would eat anytime I experienced any kind of emotion. I would eat when I was sad, angry, happy, nervous, etc.. I decided that day I would lose the weight that so many diets over the years had failed to achieve. The first week was easy?the depression allowed me to feel no hunger so I ate nothing and lost 15 lbs. The second week I was feeling good about losing weight but my hunger returned?I allowed myself to eat pickles (5 cals each) and a spoonful of cottage cheese a couple times a day. The second week I lost 10 lbs. The 3rd and 4th week were the hardest because I was no longer satisfied with only losing 10 lbs. a week?I wanted my weight to fall off faster but pickles were no longer satisfying so my calorie intake increased to about 500 cals/day resulting in only a 10 lb weight loss for those 2 weeks. The 5th week of my diet I returned to school from summer break and started receiving compliments from my classmates and my teachers. I told everyone it was exercise and a diet plan that was to credit my weight loss. Every day I was being complimented and it felt so good that it made me more determined to lose more weight. I no longer had to force myself not to eat because the thought of food had started to make me nauseous whenever I looked at how many calories everything had. Within a week of returning to school my diet had changed to no more than 200 cals/day with some days being under 50 calories. I was losing between 7-10 lbs a week for about 6 weeks but then I hit a plateau and my weight loss changed to about 4-5 lbs a week. At this point my cutting got worse. I?ve been an occasional cutter since Jr High but usually would cut for a couple days if I was really depressed about something and then I wouldn?t cut again until I really needed to. This time (for about 2 months) I let cutting get out of control. I was cutting everyday and some days more than once. I was going to my car during lunch to cut, I was cutting in the shower, I was cutting before school and when I got home. Cutting was all I was looking forward to and I know that sounds disgusting but for me cutting made me feel real. I could think clearer and everything made sense. I stopped cutting though when it was almost time for clinicals again because we?re required to wear short sleeves during some of our rotations and also for graduation which was only a month and a half away. Cutting was easier to quit than I thought it would be?I just restricted my calories even more and on some days the power I felt from cutting I got from not eating. I went several days without eating anything at all and then landed myself in the hospital with chest pain. After a few tests and an IV I was discharged with orders to stay better hydrated (they had no clue I wasn?t eating). I decided to talk to someone about what I was going through for any suggestions about what I could do to help me not be so scared of calories. I talked to one of my instructors at school (who kept complimenting me for exercising and losing weight) and told her I was losing weight not because I was exercising but because I wasn?t able to eat. We talked for a while and then hung up. She called me back a few minutes later and said she had gotten some referrals for me that would be helpful and she encouraged me to stop by her office and pick up the list. When I picked up the list from my instructor I looked over the list but had no intentions of calling an eating disorder specialist. I decided to talk about this issue with my counselor instead. When I told my counselor what was going on she also referred me to an eating disorder specialist because she felt with their specialized training on this subject that they would be able to help me better than she could. My counselor provided me with a list of referrals as well. After struggling for another 2 weeks with food issues (food was fast becoming my enemy and I could hardly look at it anymore) I decided to call a psychologist from the list. I met with her the first time and she explained fees, session cancellations, policies, etc. The second session we talked about how diets don?t work and she suggested reading some chapters from a book called ?diets don?t work?. The 3rd session we talked about setting up a menu for me to follow that was approx 1200 cals/day. I told her that I wasn?t ready to make the promise to follow a plan with that many calories and so she suggested I keep doing what I?m doing until I reach my target weight and then I?ll either become ready on my own to follow a healthy eating plan or I?ll end up in the hospital again. I was a little shocked to learn that this was how eating disorders are treated (at least by
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